It isn’t every day that one gets the chance to jump into a pool of ice water, swim underwater to the far end, break through the ice, and then laugh at yourself as your muscles completely fail you in your efforts to simply climb out of the freezing wet, unable to feel your legs. Nor do we often have the opportunity to crawl under a real army tank through thick, wet mud, carry someone your own weight up a long hill, climb high walls, steep ramps, and other forbidding obstacles, run through cages fitted with thousands of live electric wires, and attempt to conquer a dozen or so other fitness challenges, all during the course of an otherwise normal but very hilly, twelve-mile run. Tough Mudder is truly an assault course, designed to challenge and entertain reasonably fit individuals, with a variety of creative stations. I didn’t master all of them, but I did complete the course.

The first few events were relatively tame, (I think to lure us into a false sense of confidence) though the organizers wasted no time in making it clear that we were going to get very dirty on many of the obstacles, and very wet on most of the others. Oh yes, there was also some fire to jump over, but you landed in cold water, so the fire really didn’t warm you for long. To add to the excitement, there were occasional live electric wires to run and crawl through, and yes, everyone got zapped here and there. We were Team Waaaaagh, as that was our chant as we approached each obstacle and fearlessly went for it. When we got to the obstacle called Walk the Plank, which was nothing less than a 20-foot jump into cool water, one of our members showed obvious second thoughts about jumping. I knew he had a bit of fear, as we’d discussed it in advance, so of course, being a good teammate, I helped (read: pushed him from behind), then jumped in after him, just to make sure he was all right. We were having fun, so far.

Having never participated in a Tough Mudder before this South London event in Winchester, UK, on June 8, 2013, I scoured the hints, tips, and advice available online. The advice didn’t help at all, to be fair, other than to make the event sound even more ominous, but in one regard, the advice hurt. I’m usually pretty darn good at monkey bars, and this Tough Mudder offered a set of monkey bars that should have been easy for me. As we approached the Funky Monkey, Matt, one of my teammates who is also my powerlifting coach said, “Doug, this is YOUR event.” The challenge consisted of two ladders, one set at an uphill angle, the next downhill. The goal was to get all the way across both ladders, without dropping into the deep muddy water. The Tough Mudder advice online said to wear gloves to the event, so I wore the thinnest pair of cycling gloves I owned, and I was relatively happy with them for some of the crawling events. I know from experience not to wear gloves for monkey bars, but I was so cold from crawling through the Boa Constrictor, enduring the Kiss of Mud, and swimming the Arctic Enema that I then couldn’t use my fingers, to the degree that I couldn’t even take my gloves off, try as I might. I decided to try the event with the gloves on, and needless to say, it didn’t go well. I got almost halfway. Admittedly, I have small hands and the rungs of this particular monkey bar were larger than any I had ever been on, but at the end of the day, excuses are just excuses. Three of my 8 teammates, including Matt, made it across this obstacle, and though they didn“t razz me a lot, I felt I’d let them down a little by dropping off the bars. We continued our run, but I knew I had to redeem myself somehow. I just didn’t know if I’d get the chance.

I haven’t been running of late, as I’ve been nursing an injury, and I knew that twelve miles was going to really push my limits. By five miles in, I was feeling uncomfortable on each step, and by mile six, I was losing power. After seven miles, I’d slowed considerably, and had to really push to keep up with my team. What had been strength in my hips and knees was quickly being replaced by pain, and my stride was looking noticeably awkward. I can only assume that it was the look of pain on my face that caused my teammates to repeatedly ask if I was OK. I insisted that I was fine, and that I fully intended to finish. Halfway through mile seven we encountered the challenge known as Island Hopping.

Island Hopping consisted of six very unstable “islands” floating in a big pool, connected to each other by cables. The idea was to jump onto one, get your balance, then jump onto the next and then the next, and finally land back on solid ground on the far side of the pool. With fresh legs, this event favored me, as the lightest member of our team. But with tired legs, it was hard to imagine I stood a chance. My agility had been destroyed. I watched each man try to go across, and fail, ending up in the drink. Matt went next to last, just before me, and did surprisingly well, for a big guy. He cleared two or three islands before ending up in the water. I knew this was my chance, but my legs were so weak. I jumped, balanced, and gained hope. I jumped again and again, catching my balance on each island along the way. I wasn’t sure I could make the final jump onto dry land, but with my teammates cheering for me and even offering to grab my outstretched hands, I jumped for my life and hit solid ground. Victory was mine. Elation filled me, and somehow, I felt fine again. I jubilantly led my team for the next mile, running as if it was the first mile. Of course I paid for it later on, but at least I’d had my moment.

We were unstoppable after that. We were nine grown men having good clean (well, we could always clean up later) fun. We worked well as a team, helping each other over the Hero Walls, cheering each man through the water-filled Cage Crawl, encouraging and helping each other as we assaulted Everest, and finally running and shouting Waaaaagh through the final, very muddy obstacle which was fittingly named Electroshock Therapy. At the far end of that electrifying obstacle, we were congratulated with Tough Mudder headbands, a prize awarded only to finishers, which were placed upon our heads. Then we were given a Tough Mudder Finisher tee shirt. I’ll wear mine proudly, for although this event “only” took three and a half hours to complete, they were admittedly three and half very challenging hours. We had all completed the Tough Mudder, and stayed true to our goal of leaving no man behind. Thank you Tough Mudder for staffing a very well run event, and a much bigger thank you to my teammates and training partners: Matt, Richard, Stuart, Digger, Mini-Digger, Rob, Jim, and Jon. I hope you all had as much fun as I did.

Matt and I are already busy planning and creating our next challenge, something that combines a lot of strength stations with a fairly engaging run. I’ll be sure to let you know about that special event, should you care to join us. I took twenty-four hours to recover from the Tough Mudder, and then began my training for Strength Health and Fitness Week. I hope to see you there.